Sometimes Awesome Things Happen

The last time I posted, I was on the brink of undertaking a career I would never have thought possible – ever, not only because of my health issues. Certainly, though, a few years ago it would have been hard to imagine the hard work and strange hours my new life path sometimes demands while I have this illness. I certainly couldn't have then.

Since my last post, I finished an entire course and became immersed in the wacky behind-the-scenes world of fashion and showbiz through make-up artistry. Perhaps against the odds, or because I was determined to go up against them – but I know I got lucky, in part. My health has taken a few upswings, humbled by definite downswings to keep things in perspective. It's also humbling knowing that I could more or less relapse any time: at no moment am I safe, at no moment am I “normal”. 

Most people don't look at me and think “she obviously has an illness” … unless I'm not wearing make-up that day, in which case even the strange man who stands like a statue outside my apartment building asks me if I'm tired. Anyone with a chronic (or mental) illness can understand what it's like going into something new and difficult when there's a chance something will happen – that ever-looming something that crops up the worst at the worst of times – and you might be forced to explain it. How to answer the inevitable question of “What's wrong?” when the real answer is: “I'm not like you.”

I was also blessed to have a school that supported my health quirks. I don't think there are many places that will give you a blanket note for sick days, and I don't take that for granted and by no means was it easy.

I was there every second I could possibly be there, even when it was a struggle, because accomplishing when you're not on your A-game is as empowering as feeling good. Well, that and the fact that I was paying more money than I had in order to learn, but the point is I made it. It can be done. Going from basically home-bound to class-bound five days a week and then work-bound in the real world, despite the sometimes gargantuan-feeling challenges and doubts of others, it can be done.

There have been a lot of hardships, school-related and otherwise, as well as inspirational moments along the way.

Meeting people who understand.

Realizing I'm in real life while listening to celebrity stories.

Being loved.

Being hugged by a sincerely grateful director at the end of a long, hot, tiring film shoot while the crew celebrated.

Learning tips and tricks to hide shaky hands, passed on by an already inspirational instructor, who has an illness too (and she's famous).

My official graduation is on Friday. I think when everything is a challenge, life's biggest challenges don't seem so challenging after all, in a certain light. It doesn't feel like that every day, of course, when I feel like I'm passing out on the floor and couldn't possibly go on, but you know what: if I can even walk up the stairs on a tough day, prepping models to hit the runway or sending actors to set isn't any more tough. ♥

I'm going to leave you with a video I discovered via a very relatable stranger, Michelle, whose blog “Living With Bob (Dysautonomia)” feels very familiar.