The
last time I posted, I was on the brink of undertaking a career I
would never have thought possible – ever, not only because
of my health issues. Certainly, though, a few years ago it would have
been hard to imagine the hard work and strange hours my new life path
sometimes demands while I have this illness. I certainly couldn't
have then.
Since
my last post, I finished an entire course and became immersed in the
wacky behind-the-scenes world of fashion and showbiz through make-up
artistry. Perhaps against the odds, or because I was determined to go
up against them – but I know I got lucky, in part. My health has
taken a few upswings, humbled by definite downswings to keep things
in perspective. It's also humbling knowing that I could more or less
relapse any time: at no moment am I safe, at no moment am I “normal”.
Most
people don't look at me and think “she obviously has an illness”
… unless I'm not wearing make-up that day, in which case even the
strange man who stands like a statue outside my apartment building
asks me if I'm tired. Anyone with a chronic (or mental) illness can
understand what it's like going into something new and difficult when
there's a chance something will happen – that ever-looming
something that crops up the worst at the worst of times –
and you might be forced to explain it. How to answer the inevitable
question of “What's wrong?” when the real answer is: “I'm not
like you.”
I
was also blessed to have a school that supported my health quirks. I
don't think there are many places that will give you a blanket note
for sick days, and I don't take that for granted and by no means was
it easy.
I
was there every second I could possibly be there, even when it was a
struggle, because accomplishing when you're not on your A-game is as
empowering as feeling good. Well, that and the fact that I was paying
more money than I had in order to learn, but the point is I made it.
It can be done. Going from basically home-bound to class-bound
five days a week and then work-bound in the real world, despite the
sometimes gargantuan-feeling challenges and doubts of others, it
can be done.
There
have been a lot of hardships, school-related and otherwise, as well as inspirational moments along the way.
Meeting
people who understand.
Realizing
I'm in real life while listening to celebrity stories.
Being
loved.
Being
hugged by a sincerely grateful director at the end of a long, hot,
tiring film shoot while the crew celebrated.
Learning
tips and tricks to hide shaky hands, passed on by an already
inspirational instructor, who has an illness too (and she's
famous).
My
official graduation is on Friday. I think when everything is a
challenge, life's biggest challenges don't seem so challenging after
all, in a certain light. It doesn't feel like that every day, of
course, when I feel like I'm passing out on the floor and couldn't
possibly go on, but you know what: if I can even walk up the stairs
on a tough day, prepping models to hit the runway or sending actors
to set isn't any more tough. ♥
I'm
going to leave you with a video I discovered via a very relatable
stranger, Michelle, whose blog “Living
With Bob (Dysautonomia)” feels very familiar.
